The husband manages to separately enjoy a great relationship with his wife and mother. Two arms are not enough to complete a triangle. Unless the wife and mother-in-law too enjoy a great relationship, the family triangle isn't complete. (Wondering about the father-in-law… historically, somehow he is never part of the family drama.) Every time I've listened to the wife's side of the story, the mother-in-law's side of the story and most importantly, a completely different story from the sandwiched man… one thing has been a constant - “I am right; the other is wrong. Endorse it.”

About six months ago, I did a three-day program on 'Organisational Leadership' for 50 CEOs from across the country. Most questions from the participants were on the basic attitude and work ethics of their employees. Last month, I did a one-day seminar for 300 sales professionals. In the oneto- one interactions I had with the participants, many of them expressed their qualms about their management's approach and strategies. In both cases, one thing was a constant - “I am right; the other is wrong. Endorse it.”

For several years, I've waited outside my son's school to pick him up. Standing there, I've heard parents go on and on and on about why this approach of the school isn't acceptable and why that teacher isn't okay. I have also heard both personally and in the parent-teachers orientation programs conducted by the school management why parents shouldn't expect this, why this approach of parents is not acceptable, etc. Of course, the constant factor is - “I am right; the other is wrong. You don't even have to endorse it… we know it.”

Unfortunately, life doesn't run by right and wrong. It runs on maturity. The need in any situation is not who is right and who is wrong, but a mature mind that can accept differences as a way of life and manage the situation.

If your mother-in-law complains about everything… that's her nature. If your daughter-in-law criticises you for everything… that's her inadequacy. If your wife and mother are at loggerheads, now you have a situation to manage… you have decisions to make and standpoints to take. Cribbing, condemning and crying changes nothing. Problems in a family exist not because it involves people, but because it involves immature people. Even if one mature mind is present, the situation can be managed and harmony built. As an employee, either find ways to excel with the ways of this management or find a management that works on your ways.

So often, by just letting people have their way, your way becomes clear. The truth is simple and straight. If there is a problem, there is an immature mind involved in it. If there is a solution, there is a mature mind dealing with it. In any situation, there is a level from which right and wrong is perceptible. There is another level just above it, from which only solutions are visible. Just lift yourself a little above the common plane; there is a different reality awaiting you.

It is not enough to look at your yesterday with today's maturity. You need to live your today with tomorrow's maturity. To him the future holds…

Loving you,

T.T. Rangarajan